If you have a 3 or 4 year old, you might be able to understand my overwhelm and frustration in facing the dreaded potty training regression. While I know my situation isn’t unique to just me, I feel deeply alone in navigating this because no one in my immediate circle of friends or family has gone through this. I wanted to share a glimpse into my experience in hopes of helping another exhausted, fed-up mom from feeling alone. Here is a journey entry from my notes app…

April 1st – I’m journaling to help process my thoughts. It’s 6:20am and I’m trying to read my book but I feel God pulling me to write down my thoughts. 

 I felt the Holy Spirit with me last night. I was so frustrated with Everett. It was the millionth time that he pooped his pants. He’s almost 4, he shouldn’t be having this many accidents! I could feel an anger start to rage within my body. I clasped my hands together as hard as I could to keep myself from screaming. These accidents no longer felt like accidents they felt like a stab in my back. It felt like he was doing this to spite me. Now I know how silly that sounds, he’s only 4. But it had been day after day that he was pooping his pants without telling me. He was hiding it. As I’m writing this I’m reminded that he is so much like me. Embarrassingly enough, I remember as a kid accidentally pooping my pants because I was having so much fun playing I didn’t want to go to the bathroom. I knew I would get yelled at so I hid the dirty underwear in my bedroom (Lord thank you for reminding me).

As I could feel the rage boiling in my body I had to walk into another room. I felt tears welling up in my eye because I wanted to scream. I wanted to let out all this anger but I’m actively trying to teach my kids how to manage their emotions (while I’m trying to figure out how to manage my own).  I walked back into the bathroom and told him he needed to go straight to bed, no books, no playing with his sister. Just bed. I wanted him to feel bad about pooping his pants. Maybe that’ll teach him to not poop his pants again. Maybe is he feels shame or feels like he’s missing out on fun THEN he’ll change his behavior and poop in the potty. 

I put him in his room and then took Carson into her room with me and locked us in. I was still trying so hard to calm my body down. My mind was spinning trying to figure out why Everett keeps doing this. I asked my daughter to start getting her pjs on, but she didn’t want the pjs I picked out for her (of course) and had to pick out her own. I was kneeling on the ground, watching her as she putsch around taking her good ole time with her pjs. I put my head to the floor, tears welling up in my eyes and I said “Lord, I need your help. I can’t do this alone. I’m struggling. Please help me.”

As I sat up Carson was just looking at me and said, “what you doin?” With her sweet little 3 year old voice. I said “I was praying, sweetie. I was asking for God’s help.” And she said “oh ok!” My son is now banging on the door trying to come in, and I tried to ignore it. I read a book with Carson and put her to bed. 

I opened the door and Ev was just sitting there. He said “I’m sorry mom,” and I scooped him up and just held him. I hugged him and his big body now felt so small as I held him. I was reminded that  it wasn’t long ago that he was a tiny baby. 

As I sat in his chair with him I started to sing you are my sunshine to him. I could feel the Holy Spirit with me and I heard God say, “how your holding your Son, I’m am holding you.” I started sobbing. I felt Gods fatherly love for me as if I was a small child. I was reminded of how God loves me through all my mistakes and sins and yet he still stretched his arms out to Hold me. I felt so much peace after that moment. 

Did that moment magically change my situation, No. Everett didn’t magically just stop pooping his pants after that moment. But I’m equipped with tools to help navigate the situation. That night when I prayed for help, God gave it to me. He didn’t take away the situation, He is walking with me through it. I want to be more like Jesus. More patient and slow to anger. 

“For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you” (Isaiah 41:13). 

April 1st – its now 6:40PM and BOTH of my toddlers had potty accidents today…I really feel like i’m being tested. BUT, I didn’t yell so i’ll call that a win. I handled I the situation with so much more grace and patience. One day at a time…Thank you Lord.

April 2nd – Everett pooped his pants THREE TIMES TODAY… What in the world.. how does he even have that much poop in his body. I feel like i’m going to lose my mind. I need a glimmer of hope, that this isn’t going to be my reality for the rest of my life (dramatic, I know). I pray that the right people come into my life to help guide me in helping him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30: